The Ghost by Sandra Brown Rarey

Prologue

Elizabeth Barrett's house sat on the edge of a promontory that jutted over steep cliffs like a bony finger pointing at something beyond the foaming, angry seas; or, perhaps beckoning something unknown to come closer.

Besides being overwritten and using a semicolon when one is not necessary, this opening contains only a character and a setting which is angry and foaming. The house is situated in the ideal Gothic cliched setting. You can't get more melodramatic than an isolated house perched on an isolated cliff. Some people may get hooked by setting like this, especially if they live nowhere near such a backdrop. Personally, I need conflict to hook me and the assurance that the writer isn't going to waste my time leading up to conflict for x number of pages.

Fortunately, the prologue is brief and the long and short of it is that Elizabeth lives with a ghost, Angus, (hence the wildly creative title) who has been dead a long time.

Chapter 1

Winter's early darkness was rapidly taking over the cold, damp day.

Weather report. What follows is a scene with trees in the woods. Mood is established, but how many of you when telling your friends about the exciting thing that happened to you yesterday begin your tale by establishing mood? If you do, how many friends do you still have?

First thing said:

"Angus, I'm home."

This happens when...her mouth was smiling. This means that presumably the character is not smiling, just the mouth, which is what mouths do - in any case, the clarification is pointless. In general the dialogue sounds forced and unnatural.

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Ripper by Isabel Allende

"Mom is still alive, but she's going to be murdered at midnight on Good Friday."

I don't think a title with the word Ripper hooks anymore. It's overused by one title too many. But this opening line gets the brain a little fired up, as it sort of employs the ticking time bomb scenario that creates tension.

It's nice when murderers work according to a schedule, but why midnight? Is that a cliche or is there some other mystic reason?

This is also the first thing said, so dialogue moves the plot forward, which is always a good thing. Then a murder is discussed as back story, but as it's murder it will interest most people who enjoy this genre.

This book wastes no time, diving right into conflict and character.

A short review like this means the work speaks for itself.

Verdict: Pass

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

Shadow People by James Swain

Something didn't feel right.

Next line:

It wasn't the setting.

So begins an obvious ploy to introduce setting. We get a paragraph describing the setting which is not part of the problem, not part of the something that doesn't feel right.

Then the next paragraph:

Nor was it the other guests sitting at the table with Peter Warlock.

Then we get a description layered with back story of the people who are also not part of the problem, not part of the something that doesn't feel right. Plus, what a name Warlock. Basically, this opening tells us all about what the conflict is NOT. I, however, am not going to fall for this obvious attempt to make back story and exposition seem suspenseful.

The next paragraph begins thus:

Everything looked the same, yet something wasn't right.

Suddenly, I'm reminded of Boris Karoff narrating Dr. Seuss books. Yes, kiddies, something just wasn't quite right. You know the voice. Then the clock strikes midnight and I realize what isn't right: the cliches.

First thing said:

"Ready for take off?"

This is in reference to beginning a seance, and no, they are not at an airport.

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Beast by Faye Kellerman

It was the stuff of nightmares, starting with the slow walk down the courtroom aisle: as if his stall tactics had the power to stop the inevitable.

The wording is great and creates a sense of tension, but words can be misleading. By page 2 we still have no idea why this is the stuff of nightmares, except that this person is being asked questions he'd sooner forget about : ...that day had started out so normal and within minutes had turned into something almost deadly.

Almost deadly? Kind of disappointing, that word: almost. And beginning with the day had started out so normal is preamble that anyone in grade 7 or higher could pull off. No offense to those in grade 6 or under.

There is also some educational info about law on page 2:

"You were a dream for the prosecution: completely credible, plainspoken, and damn cute."

Being cute is part of the legal process? This is good to know. Of course, this book is set in the US, so it's completely credible that being cute is a legal issue or could set a precedent.

Satirical criticism aside, if this opening bit sets the tone, and we can assume it does or why have this so soon, then I'm not interested. It's flippant and well...plain old dumb. Though, at least now, I can theorize what the title refers to.

First thing said:

"I'm going to change and get dinner ready."

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

Dark Witch by Nora Roberts

Winter 1263

Near the shadow of the castle, deep in the green woods, Sorcha led her children through the gloom towards home.

Despite beginning with characters walking, this opening line raises a question, though not a very interesting one I'll admit: Why are they walking? Actually, saying it out loud makes it sound kind of stupid. The question, I mean, and that makes me wonder why I'm asking at all. If the word had been fleeing or racing then it might have been more interesting. The answer to the question found a couple sentences in is not interesting.

Despite that, there is some inkling of foreshadowing in this line with the word gloom and a character with some setting with phrases like shadow of the castle and green woods. though, are woods any other color? Why, yes dummy, so this tells us that it's not fall, yet the cover looks like it's fall. So, don't judge this book by its cover. And then there's the fact that it's winter 1263 so how can the woods be green - or is that pine green? The image in my mind is Ireland green. When I describe woods as green, I add the modifier to say that the woods are greener than normal green, like west coast rich and vibrant green.

Anyway, who cares?

What follows are several words like cennfine, bannocks and Imbolg, which is annoying. The scene drags because of the terms and setting set ups. I lost interest by the end of page 2.

However, people who like fantasy and feel that weird made-up, foreign or obsolete words give them a sense of fulfillment might enjoy this opening more than I did.

First thing said:

"Mind your sister."

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Black Lightning by John Saul

Five Years Ago -
Experiment Number Forty-Seven

It was a ballet the man had danced so many times before that the first steps had become familiar enough to be performed automatically, with little if any thought at all.

This is the opening line of the prologue. Since it is being performed automatically, there is no need to add at the end: with little if any thought at all - as that is what the word automatic means. In fact, this wordiness suggests either an intentional effort to inflate the word count, or an author uncertain his readers are intelligent enough to understand the word: automatically. Other than that, there is no conflict; indeed, quite the opposite, it seems that this dancing man is falling into the steps of success.

Chapter 1:

The cracked white face of the clock stood in stark contrast to the institutional green of the wall upon which it hung.

The only problem with this line is the institutional green wall. I don't see how the clock stands in stark contrast; I don't even see how  it would even be mildly noticeable. That is to say, the image presented in the text isn't properly conveyed or expressed or convincing. I guess we just have to take the author's word for it. The clock is in stark contrast to the wall - trust him.

First thing said:

"Something wrong?"

Uh-oh - conflict, maybe?

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Idiots of Muffy School by Larry Ornywall

The grade three class watched in horrified fascination as their teacher, Miss McMinty hanged herself over her desk

The very fact that this takes place in school is conflict enough for most little people, so the fact that a teacher is hanging herself in front of her class is a conflict bonus. The opening line has most of the ingredients that keep people reading: character and conflict, a dash of weirdness and some setting and tone to boot for all you exposition freaks who are disturbed by too much conflict too soon in your story and demand to be eased in with a weather report and a fashion review.

Most importantly, this line manages to raise a couple questions: Why is the teacher committing suicide? Is it because of these kids? Are they that bratty or perhaps evil spawn? How will the kids grow up? Will they be scarred for life and end their days in mental institutions babbling on about misplaced morals and dangling teachers?

But more importantly, readers are left wondering what this book is about and whether or not it is appropriate for kids aged 6-11. The fact that the author is in prison at the moment probably is not a selling point either.

First thing said:

"Now, boys and girls, no peeking when you go to the washroom, and no cheating because I'll be watching ever so very closely!"

Verdict: Pass

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird