Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.

Jane Austen's opening line is witty as it is, so in rewriting this, the author had to be careful he didn't mess it up. I don't think he did. He took the essence of the sentence retaining its tone and wit and applied it to the world of zombies. It's funny and hopefully sets the tone for the rest of the novel.

I do wonder though what Jane Austen would think of this handling of her novel. If she had lived in today's world perhaps she would have been amused, but with a 1812 mind I can only imagine how offended and horrified she would be. As a writer myself, I'm not sure how I would react if my work was parodied. However, in the end, who cares? She's dead, and we're being entertained.

So everything is just as it should be.

First thing said:

"My dear Mr. Bennet, have you head that Netherfield Park is occupied again?"

Verdict: Cool

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Red Pyramid by Rick Riordan

We only have a few hours, so listen carefully.

Next line:

If you're hearing this story, you're already in danger.

This is kind of how the Percy Jackson story starts, with some second person POV. You'd think the author would change it up a bit. It's annoying, both the POV and the fact he doesn't change it up a bit. Maybe kids love this, but I don't - and yes I understand that this book isn't targeting me. The first page goes on like this before ending with:

Okay, Sadie is telling me to stop stalling and get on with the story. 

Good advice: a character is telling the author to get on with it, talk about a character-driven story. Then we get the hook on the second page:

I'm fourteen and my home is a suitcase.

First thing said:

"Dad?"

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Legend of Rah and the Muggles by N. K. Stouffer

On the far side of the earth, Aura citizens fought great wars with other nations.

The line has some conflict to it, but ultimately feels like the epitome of preamble that usually begins with something like: once upon a time... This is the beginning of an introduction that has a lot of back story and explanation about who Muggles are - and no they aren't the same Muggles made famous in the Harry Potter series. In fact, these Muggles came first, as this book was first published in the 1980's. The author doesn't think this was a coincidence and there had been a legal rambling which made this book a little famous after the fact, not a bad thing for this author regardless of where J.K. Rowling got her ideas from. N. K. Stouffer is also the author of the Larry and Lily Potter books. Hm...

Chapter 1:

Lady Catherine had barely escaped from her family's palatial estate before the enemies arrived.

Character and conflict start this children's story. As a children's story this reads nicely like a fairy tale that wastes no time introducing conflict.

First thing said:

"Pardon moi, Madame."

Verdict: Pass

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Death in Breslau by Marek Krajewski

The July heat was unbearable.

All I knew about this when I picked it up at a library sale for 1$ was that it was a historical mystery novel that takes place in Nazi Germany, therefore reminding me of a Philip Kerr novel, which I enjoy. When I flipped it open to the first page, I was magnificently disappointed. The first sentence is about the weather which makes me wonder at the writer's skills. Beginning with weather is usually a sure sign of more cliched writing to come - and, let's be honest, is a very unimaginative way to begin a novel.

The rest of the first paragraph expands on the weather motif. It's hot, a character is sweating, flies digging convulsively, the light is merciless. The second paragraph begins with the heat again.

First thing said:

"We both know, doctor, that you cannot refuse the institution I represent."

The character looks out the window and sees the icebound panorama of Siberia, frozen rivers, heaps of snow etc. At first I'm confused, isn't it July and hot? Then I realize this is an awkward attempt of slipping in back story, or a flashback or a hallucination.

Verdict: Epic Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Different Seasons by Stephen King

Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption

There's a guy like me in every state and federal prison in America, I guess - I'm the guy who can get it for you.

Thus begins the first novella from Stephen King's Different Seasons, a collection of four novellas first published in 1982. The first story represents spring and is given the subtitle: Hope Springs Eternal.

After this line, the narrator goes on to explain that he can get prisoners everything from brandy to cigarettes. before falling into back story about how he landed in prison. Why this is vital on the first page is unknown. Fortunately, it is an entertaining tale.

First thing said:

"Do you mean to tell this court that you followed your wife in your brand-new Plymouth sedan?" 


This first direct contact with another human being in the story who actually says something comes on page 20. If you've made it that far, it means you endured some very thick narrative, mostly back story buried in long paragraphs as King's storytelling mind unravels and collapses like an avalanche of prose onto the page. In other words, what one would expect from King - long winded and wordy.

However, many people will like how this story is told - by the average mediocre uneducated American from Armpit, America; really, the archetypal King character. I suppose it makes sense to return to this character type, and use especially as a narrator, as after all they really are creepy and scary people who, even if they are good, are still unsettling.

Verdict: Fail

Summer of Corruption
Apt Pupil

He looked like the total all-American kid as he pedaled his twenty-six-inch Schwinn with the apehanger handlebars up the residential suburban street, and that's just what he was: Todd Bowden, thirteen years old, five-feet-eight and a healthy one hundred and forty pounds, hair the color of ripe corn, blue eyes, white even teeth, lightly tanned skin marred by not even the first shadow of adolescent acne.

Pure exposition. No conflict or inciting incident, just the official literary introduction of a character. This first sentence is long enough to be a paragraph, and it is, serving as not only the first sentence but first paragraph. Ominous to say the least. Are all sentences going to be as long winded? As it's King, you bet! The next paragraph is the size of a modern micro-fiction short story and is bursting with back story.

First thing said:

"All right!"

Next thing said by the same person:

"All right!"


According to Elmore Leonard, King has only one more exclamation mark left for the whole story. But the character continues thus:

"I'm coming! Let it go! I'm coming!"

Honestly, this is how my grade five students write a story. Are these sentences truly exclamatory?

Verdict: Fail

Fall from Innocence
The Body

The most important things are the hardest things to say.

Uh-oh - this smells preachy. This short chapter 1 is in italics for some reason, which is annoying and hard on the eye and is the beginning of some preamble disguised as deep mind musings on life. The first paragraph is coma inducing. The second and final paragraph of this short first chapter begins with the hook:

I was twelve going on thirteen when I first saw a dead human being.

Why start with didactic musings or reminiscing on the lessons learned about the philosophy of life instead of with this line that introduces a story worthy problem?

First thing said:

"Twenty-nine."

As the hook comes early this will manage to hook most people/

Verdict: Pass (barely)

A Winter's Tale
The Breathing Method

The Club
I dressed a bit more speedily than normal on that snowy, windy, bitter night - I admit.

The weather cliche begins the final installment in the Different Seasons' collection. The only thing positive in this line, oddly enough - as King has made his position on adverbs clear, is the use of the adverb speedily, which is most likely foreshadowing something.

First thing said:

"Bad night."

This is a cabbie talking about the weather.

Verdict: Fail

Overall, these four stories don't have any memorable lines that immediately pull the reader in.

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

The Thin Man by Dashiell Hammett

I was leaning against the bar in a speakeasy on Fifty-second Street, waiting for Nora to finish her Christmas shopping, when a girl got up from the table where she had been sitting with three other people and come over to me.

There are a lot of details in this opening sentence. To begin with, the narrator is in a speakeasy, an illegal bar in the 1920's or early 30's that served bootlegged liquor during prohibition. The narrator is waiting for a woman to do some shopping, which can be annoying as time seems to get sucked into a black hole on such occasions. Shopping has a way of making an hour seem like five minutes for shoppers and quite the opposite for those waiting. And, though we don't know who Nora is, another girl slithers over creating a potential moral dilemma for our narrator. There is little conflict, but there is dashiell of foreshadowing.  

First thing said:

"Aren't you Nick Charles?"

From this point there is dialogue, as the two talk, which feels curt and to the point, just as one would expect in a Dashiell Hammett novel, reflective of the noir genre, establishing the tone expected in hard-boiled detective fiction, revealing the character of the narrator. Well done. However, by the end of the first page, the only direct conflict is the empty whiskey glass, which mercifully gets resolved in the next line.

Honestly, I can't decide on 2.5 or 3 stars for this. On the one hand, there are no obvious cliches. The first chapter is short, introducing characters and foreshadowing conflict, with great dialogue that pulls one in, but on the other hand, there lacks the substance that makes a mystery a mystery; I'd have preferred an actual revelation of nefarious affairs, like a threat, a warning or a body. Instead chapter 1 ends with a mildly jealous wife.

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

Behavioral Science, the FBI section that deals with serial murder, is on the bottom floor of the Academy building at Quantico, half-buried in the earth.

This is pure foreshadowing with a touch of setting. FBI and serial murder means that we can expect to read about some really crazy people. I like that this FBI section is in the basement, as it adds a touch of the Gothic.

Foreshadowing something interesting (that intrigues) usually gets an opening line a 50/50 pass; however, such an opening line can be improved should some character and conflict be added. In this novel, character is introduced in the second sentence and some conflict a couple of paragraphs later, while still on the first page. The forward narrative moves effortlessly with little description and back story. However, despite the meager exposition, this opening still feels  like it's lagging.

First thing said:

"No."

Not much promise of great dialogue to come, but it's all part of a scene we are eased into with some character development - and the dialogue that follows is well written and character revealing.

In the end, this book hooks most people because of its fame and the movie inspired by the book. If there are readers out there who have no idea what this book is, and they enjoy the genre, this opening should have enough to it to pull one in and hook.

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht