The Sorrows of Young Werther by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

How happy I am that I am gone! 

For a second I thought that this was in reference to the guy getting ready to blow his brains out. A little misdirection and foreshadowing that leads to confusion can go a long way in hooking a reader. The next lines:

My dear friend, what a thing is the heart of man! To leave you, from whom I have been inseparable, whom I love so dearly, and yet to feel happy!

According to Elmore Leonard, Goethe has used up his allotment of exclamation marks for a novel, though in Goethe's defense, he may not have read that bit of writing advice. The rest of the long opening paragraph has a feeling of ranting to it, which hints at the narrator's mental state quite well, knowing what we know of young Werther and his sorrows, assuming readers are familiar with this story before they start reading it.

I know you will forgive me. Have not other attachments been specially appointed by fate to torment a head like mine? Poor Leonora! and yet I was not to blame. Was it my fault, that, whilst the peculiar charms of her sister afforded me an agreeable entertainment, a passion for me was engendered in her feeble heart? And yet am I wholly blameless? Did I not encourage her emotions? Did I not feel charmed at those truly genuine expressions of nature, which, though but little mirthful in reality, so often amused us? Did I not—but oh! what is man, that he dares so to accuse himself? 

You get the idea. Nervous breakdowns are usually accompanied by an influx of thoughts related only by the punctuation used. Though young Werther's sorrows have not yet begun, we can see he is ripe for grief with the next line:

My dear friend I promise you I will improve; I will no longer, as has ever been my habit, continue to ruminate on every petty vexation which fortune may dispense...

First thing said:

"Shall I help you, pretty lass?"

This comes a couple pages in, depending on the edition you are reading.

Overall, I'm fairly certain Goethe did not write the opening of this short novel with the purpose of providing a marketable hook to sell copies. Even when he wrote this, he was fairly well known with a previous work. The hook was in the byline. Nevertheless, there is great emotion in this opening and the first glimpse of a character that is not quite as stable as you and I like to think we are.

This is part of the series: the top 100 novels from Daniel S. Burt's book called Novel 100, the top 100 novels of all time. There is debate of course as to what should be on that list, but his opinions are as good as any. The Sorrows of Young Werther ranks as the 78th best.

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Frankenstein by Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

St. Petersburgh, Dec. 11th, 17— 

TO Mrs. Saville, England

You will rejoice to hear that no disaster has accompanied the commencement of an enterprise which you have regarded with such evil forebodings. 

This novel opens with a series of letters before finally getting around to telling a story with a narrative and first person point of view. Beginning in a epistolary fashion and then switching gears to first person is awkward. As well, I'm not rejoicing that there is no conflict at the beginning of the novel. I want a disaster and the flourishing of evil forebodings. This begins like someone's boring email for which its only purpose is to establish character, which seems to preach the "know your hero before he does anything heroic" method of exposition -- except this story is not about the letter writer...so go figure.

The rest of the first paragraph:

I arrived here yesterday, and my first task is to assure my dear sister of my welfare and increasing confidence in the success of my undertaking.

There are five letters that open this classic novel and their propose, in part, is to establish how Dr. Frankenstein became an acquaintance of the letter writer and the story the doctor has to tell. The undertaking mentioned above is to go to the North Pole for the letter writer seems to be at a loose end and looking for meaning in his otherwise meaningless life.

Thankfully, the letters are not long and we soon learn that the letter writer finds a stranger on the ice who, as it happens, has a story to tell.

Chapter 1:

I am by birth a Genevese, and my family is one of the most distinguished of that republic. 

So begins the stranger. But dang, is this going to to be a long-winded life history before we get to the good stuff, to the unnatural monster? Answer: Yes. Seriously, is it really necessary to begin a story with: I was born on....? Just tell us why this person is stuck on the ice in the Arctic!

First thing said:

"Here is our captain, and he will not allow you to perish on the open sea."

This is part of the series from Daniel S. Burt's book called Novel 100, the top 100 novels of all time. There is debate of course as to what should be on that list, but his opinions are as good as any. Frankenstein comes in at the 92nd greatest novel of all time.

Verdict: Fail

Most people pick this up because of the title and the fact that they think they already know all about the book's premise. There won't be too many people picking this up not knowing anything about it. But the question is, can one keep reading long enough until being hooked? Readers will have to if they wish to finish this book, unless they're reading it as part of a school program, in which case, they'll have to read it whether they want to or not. Perhaps that is the only way this novel will get read in the future as readers unquenchable thirst for simpler and dumber books increases. The film and graphic novel versions on the other hand will most certainly be celebrated for generations to come.

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht