Dexter's Final Cut by Jeff Lindsay

It's not that bad being dead.

This is the first sentence of an introduction that is all in italics, which makes it hard on the eyes.

Confession time: I must be one of the few people who has neither read any of these books or seen the TV show. So this line is a little confusing. Is this a paranormal series? I assume it is; either that, or someone's on a drug pretending to be dead, in which case, they aren't really dead, making this sentence redundant. Either way, the line raises questions and is striking. Being a short sentence doesn't hurt either.

Reading the rest of this introduction (call it what you want, it's still a prologue) reveals that this is part of a filming scene. So whoever said he was dead is not, just acting - ha-ha. A deception on the part of the author to hook falsely. The classless ha-ha, I made you look technique that is used more often than one might normally imagine. It is an unimaginative way to hook a reader and is cheating, like advertising a product that isn't actually for sale. Shameful.

Chapter 1:

It all started so peacefully, just a few short weeks ago, on a lovely day in early autumn.

How quaint. What a preamble. How boring. The next paragraph wastes more time, ink and page space by describing what it's like to drive in Miami rush hour.

I would have given this a mere fail but the execution of the ha-ha made you look trick riles me.

First thing said:

Who cares.

With an opening like this, I'm tempted to create a new category for zero stars. I might call it the Black Hole Dexter Fail.

Verdict: Epic Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Betrayal by Danielle Steel

The two men who lay parched in the blistering sun of the desert were so still they barely seemed alive.

Another image, however this one works better than some of the ones reviewed earlier. With image there is usually an element of setting. We have a desert and the blistering sun. But we have two men who seem barely alive. This raises a question? Why are they in the desert?

Next line answers this. I like the 'one sentence raises a question and the next answers it' formula.

There had been shattering explosions in the distance earlier, and one of them was covered in blood. Although they had been enemies, one of them now held the other's hand, as the lifeblood trickled from him.

The first three lines of this book work hard at hooking the reader. We have a difficult setting, an explosion, and enemies holding hands. One dies.

Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with the novel. The next paragraph and first thing said:

"Cut!...and print."

That's right, it is a movie scene being filmed. The dead man, just an actor, gets up and throws back a cool one. Feel robbed? You should. The writer just did the Ha-ha, made you look! trick. This is as bad as opening a story with a dream, a hallucination, or with an exciting story that has nothing to do with the present boring story you paid money for.

This was going to get a pass but gets an epic fail for its cheating hook. Creating a hook that has nothing to do with the story - unless the book is about the movie being filmed in the first paragraph is pathetically childish. Already a page in and still having not been introduced to the story of this novel, I put it down. I will not allow this writer to waste any more of my time, as she obviously does not respect it.

Verdict: Epic Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht