The Book of Human Skin by Michelle Lovric

If you ever see a portrait of a nun, you should know she was a dead woman when it was painted.

It's nice when we are confronted with an opening line that provides some information that most people are not aware of. I had read this somewhere before, but nevertheless it is striking. It raises a question - is this about a dead nun? We are given further explanation:

Nuns may not have their portraits painted while they are alive, a nun's face being nobody's business, not even her own, not even her bother's.

There is not much conflict in this opening, but it is an usual thought, at least by today's standards and attracts attention. The next paragraph:

If I had known that fact when I set out to discover what had happened to my sister, I would have saved myself a voyage and a disease, and I might never have laid a hand upon a fatal book of human skin, making cannibals of my nine remaining fingers.

Thus we get the hint of conflict, a sister missing in action and a book of human skin, which would mildly interest most people. There is some preamble, but as this a first person narrative a little preamble is okay, as long as there is something interesting, something more than just saying, "Hey, here's a story."

First thing said:

"But you are one of us, young chap!"

Verdict: Pass

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

Silence of the Grave by Arnaldur Indridason

He knew at once it was a human bone, when he took it from the baby who was sitting on the floor chewing it.

This sentence is almost perfect. The obvious problem is the pronoun, but it is overshadowed by the awesomeness of this opening line. Mystery novels, in order to hook, need to begin with a mystery, a crime and preferably a murder as soon as possible. This opening does that and more, introducing a human bone, but it's introduced in such an unusual way - a baby is chewing on the the corpse, the evidence. Lots of questions. Why is the baby chewing on a human bone? Whose bone is this?  Who is Mr. Pronoun? Though, this last question is not so much a story question, but more of a technical question in which authors intentionally withhold names and characterization to create tension, and this is a tension that is not dependent on the story but on how the story is told and therefore is weak. That is the problem with pronouns in the beginning.

First thing said:

"What happened?"

This is the question.

Verdict: Cool

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

2014 Edgar Awards Nominees

Here are this year's shortlisted nominees for the Edgar Award, the best mystery/crime novel of the year. Congratulations to the authors for making the list - no small feat.

Sandrine's Case by Thomas H. Cook

Opening Argument:
The Prosecution

Lost hope conceals a rapier in its gown, Sandrine wrote in the margins of her copy of Julius Caesar.

At first glance this feels like what a first sentence should be: big, lofty, all embracing,  - just plain old epic. It reveals character and hints at conflict; yet, there is a hint of pretentious. The rest of the paragraph is in the same annoying didactic lofty voice.

Verdict: Pass (barely) (2.5 stars)



The Humans by Matt Haig

Preface

I know that some of you reading this are convinced humans are a myth, but I am here to state that they do actually exist.

This preface is meant to establish the fact that this is partly sci-fi. Obviously, if the narrator is talking about humans as if they are aliens to aliens, that then means...yes, the narrator must be an alien to humans! The satire, I mean preface, continues for another page and reminds me of The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human, though not as funny.

Part 1

So, what is this?

Followed by more meaningless questions whose function is to establish tone.

Verdict: Fail (2 stars)


Ordinary Grace by William Kent Krueger

All the dying that summer began with the death of a child, a boy with golden hair and thick glasses, killed on the railroad tracks outside New Bremen, Minnesota, sliced into pieces by a thousand tons of steel speeding across the prairie toward South Dakota.

Another prologie (disposable characters in prologues) bites the dust and in the standard ghastly manner. Yet there is the foreshadowing of bigger problems and more death to come and I don't know about you, but my curiosity is swelling.

But the beginning of chapter 1 takes a step backwards and I start to lose interest.

Verdict: Pass - barely (2.5 stars)



How the Light Gets In by Louise Penny

Audrey Villeneuve knew what she imagined could not possibly be happening.

This reminds me of an elementary school exercise I did in foreshadowing - the most obvious kind. Basically, this opening tells us that there is something happening, as there should be in all novels, yet refuses to tell us, so as to make us keep reading.



Verdict: Fail (2 stars)



Standing in Another Man's Grave by Ian Rankin

He’d made sure he wasn't standing too near the open grave.

A pronoun and some setting. No sign of any conflict here, unless Mr. Pronoun is going to be put into the grave. But the next sentence and paragraph answer that possibility:


Closed ranks of the other mourners between him and it.

Employs a number of cliches in the beginning: Weather opening and phone call opening.


Verdict: Fail (2 stars)


Until She Comes Home by Lori Roy

A Couple of Days Before

Malina Herze stares down on her dining-room table, her lovely dining-room table, and clutches a red-handled hammer to her chest.

This opening line is full of anticipation, which pulls the reader through the opening narrative, creating suspense. These types of sentences are hard to write because they depend on the rest of the scene just as much as the rest of the scene depends on them.

Verdict: Pass (3 stars)

Conclusion:

As far as opening lines are concerned, most of the above lack an effective hook from the get-go, with authors preferring to ease the reader into the conflict with exposition and preliminary remarks. Rather disappointing. Nevertheless, despite the lackluster openings, I'm sure the novels are fine, or they wouldn't have been shortlisted.

So if we do the math, the best opening goes to:

Until She Comes Home by Lori Roy

Sincerely,

Theodore Moracht

Codex 632 by Jose Rodrigues Dos Santos

Four.

One word sentences almost always fail. I don't think I've come across any that hook. The only thing good about them is that they are so short they almost don't count and someone would have to be really anal retentive to stop reading a book after only one word. These one word openings are almost always a prelude and the real test is what the next sentence is.

The old historian couldn't know that he only had four minutes left to live.

Thus begins the ticking time bomb plot device, a usually effective and suspenseful device. The next paragraph begins:

The hotel elevator seemed to wait to trap him with wide-open doors.

I like the use of verbs in this sentence. Not the linking verb seem but wait and trap. these verbs draw the image that the elevator can be likened to the jaws of death. The paragraph then proceeds to describes the historian. The next paragraph is one word again:

Three.

Something happens and then:

Two.

You get the idea. This prologie (disposable characters that die in prologues) is running out of time, and we all know how that ends.

Chapter 1:

Had someone told Thomas Noronha, that morning, that the next few months would take him all over the world and into the unraveling of a five-hundred-year-old conspiracy, complete with stories of seafaring adventures during the Age of Discovery, royal espionage between the first two global superpowers, and the esoteric world of Kabbalah and the Knights Templar, he wouldn't have believed it.

This reads like the query letter pitch to a literary agent introducing a book the author is seeking representation for. And why not? It isn't merely preamble - hinting that there is a story, but instead tells us ahead of time what to expect, whetting our curious and selling the premise. It has all the key words: Kabbalah, Knights Templar, conspiracy, esoteric and espionage. People who like these Dan Brown words will not be able to resist.

First thing said:

"Well, good morning."

The first thing said is a fail, though, as it does not develop plot, character, conflict, tone, mood, setting, theme or world view - it's just a boring salutation.

Verdict: Pass Definte

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

We Are Water by Wally Lamb

"I understand there was some controversy about the coroner's ruling concerning Josephus Jones's death."

Some writing experts say that beginning with dialogue is not a good idea. I can understand where they're coming from. Their argument is that the reader can't navigate through the speakers and understand who is saying what, why, or where. If the dialogue is superfluous blabbering then I agree, but if what is being said establishes conflict and is pithy, then I see no problem with it. This first line, though beginning a prologue, introduces a character, a death and a question regrading it. In other words, it gets straight to the point, raises questions and therefore hooks.

The rest of the first paragraph follows thus:

"What do you think, Mr. Agnello? Did he die accidentally or was he murdered?"

Chapter 1:

Viveca's wedding dress has a name: Gaia.

This opening line is unusual enough to attract attention and keep the reader reading. It stands out, not only as an opening line, but it would stand out even it were buried deep in a chapter with long woolly paragraphs. Unusual sentences which express unusual ideas, like clothes having names is usually effective in revealing odd characters that fascinate us. Though, reading on, this line implies something different.

Verdict: Definite Pass

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Letter by W. Gunther Plaut

Berlin
1935

The room was dark and badly lit, not at all befitting the imposing title on the door: Secretariat of Racial Purity.

This line is all setting, yet it obviously does a good job. It introduces conflict in the form of racism and with the cover we know what this is going to be about, so if Nazis hook ya, then you're hooked.

Chapter 1:

Helga awoke in a sweat, the nightgown clinging uncomfortably to her legs.

She'd had a dream about her father discovering her secret. Which is to say that this is an awkwardly forced and tired way of introducing conflict: Yes, there is a story-worthy problem dear reader, so tense that the character is having issues that manifest in the form of bad dreams which wake her up all in a sweat. How can you not read on, oh, dear reader?

I say: Easy.

First thing said:

"Your name?"

Verdict: Pass (barely)

The prologue has some tension, dialogue and interesting characterization that pulls readers in. Chapter 1 doesn't though.

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Bad Wolf by Nele Neuhaus

He sat down the shopping bag and put away his purchase in the tiny refrigerator.

In this prologue Mr. Pronoun does a lot of things and if it weren't for the paragraphs it would resemble nothing but a list. Lists usually make boring reading. The prologue is two pages and at the end of my library copy the page has been folded indicating that a previous reader thought that that was enough for one reading session - 2 pages. Clearly, I am not the only one that isn't hooked by this prologue.

Chapter 1:

She felt like she was tipping over backward.

The pronounology in this book dominates. On page five there is another folded page. Folding pages of a book should be an abomination and folders should be punished, but for the purpose of my reviews can be revealing. I assume from the same person as above because the pages are folded on the bottom and the fold has the same dimensions. The last fold is on page 59 and is to this day is folded. That is where the previous person gave up on this book. I, however, am smarter and have stopped reading by page three.

First thing said:

"Hello, Sweetie."

Doesn't add anything to character or plot but does upgrade one pronoun from 'she' to 'sweetie' so that is good.

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht