Atlantic City, New Jersey
Hector Moreno and Jerome Ribbons sat in the car on the ground level of the Atlantic Regency Hotel Casino parking garage, sucking up crystal meth with a rolled-up five spot, a lighter and a crinkled length of tin foil.
So begins a book in a car, though in this case the line is not all about the car; you know, a car chase, a car crash, a car in a traffic jam, a car with a lost character in it, etc.
The second paragraph improves with the hint of a plot line:
There are three good ways to rob a casino.
So for all you aspiring crooks, pay heed.
Chapter 1:
Seattle, Washington
The shrill high-pitched chirp of an incoming e-mail was like a bell ringing in my head.
This line falls under the phone call opening. And the next line reveals that the character is in bed, so the next line after that naturally means the character looks for a watch and then reaches for a gun. Some people just don't like getting e-mails I guess. Before the end of a short page one, we are thrown into a gooey back story dump.
First thing said:
"Got your house picked out yet?"
Verdict: Fail
Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht
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