Monday, 20 January 2014

Vigilante by Stephen J. Cannell

The filthy rug limped along the sidewalk on swollen plastic baggie-wrapped feet, hunched against the chilly February wind.

I did a double take after reading this line and it took me a second to get it. The image I get is a smelly Chewbacca or a ratty Snuffleupagus padding down the street. In any case, the wording is amusing and this line attracts attention because of the imagery.

There is weather in this line so it will be honored with the weather opening cliché badge, but in this case the weather is not just a forced insert to create some mediocre atmosphere; it's needed to explain why someone is wearing a rug. Though this is set in LA so, for me at least, it would be more believable if Mr. Rug is dressed in a carpet because he's gone L.A. wild and not because it's L.A. cold.

The scene that unfolds is just as fascinating to read as it would be to watch (from a safe distance) a crazy person acting weird on a public street. We can't help but take a staring peek. What fun!

Page 2 gets an awkwardly obvious shift from forward narrative to back story dump but it's not long - only a paragraph.

First thing said:

"Excuse me, sir, but you're unzipped."

Verdict: Pass

Rudy Globird.

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