A couple problems/conflicts are suggested with this opening line that raises questions and kicks a plot into motion. So as an opening line this is effective and hooks. Unfortunately the writer can't resist a weather report in the second sentence:
This was in mid-June, during those first humid days when the air in Virginia hangs thick.
It is a pure setting sentence: time, weather and place. What follows is a slow roundabout way of getting to the point (inciting event, conflict etc.) with description and back story disguised as forward narrative, which is a good way of making back story seem more interesting. If you like this, (being eased into a story) then read on. I don't like it - at least not on the first page.
First thing said:
"Bad Mommy."
I do like the first thing said, because despite its simplicity, it does reveal character.
Verdict: Pass
Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht
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