This sentence has all the ingredients of a good hook - almost. It's short, which is good. There's a name instead of a pronoun, which is good. Hurting is good, as it suggests something is not right. However, hurting is not that unusual so although this is a hook of sorts, it's fairly weak. Next line:
It hurt even to breathe.
This clarifies the hurting a bit to suggest that this pain is probably serious. The next paragraph is a weather report, so not much time, ink or paper is wasted to get to that cliche. It's cold and Emory is underdressed. The fact she's not dressed properly makes the weather report not entirely superfluous. If the writer only stated she was underdressed without stating the cold, readers wouldn't have had enough information to understand the conflict, so weather here is okay, but the weathery description could have been shortened a bit.
This short prologue follows someone in the middle of nowhere, with a fractured foot running from something or someone, until the end when pain skyrockets through her skull. We are left wondering: Did she die or not? So there are a couple questions raised.
Chapter 1:
"Does it hurt this much?"
This is also the first thing said in the novel. Dr. Emory is saying this so the reader is left wondering if this is the same Emory from the prologue and if so are the events in the prologue before or after the events of chapter 1. If not, how many Emorys are there in this book?
The scene is a little dull. A little girl has an earache and Dr. Emory is checking her out. It's not much of anything except a character building scene which reveals that Emory is going away for the weekend, perhaps to the scene of the prologue?
Verdict: Pass (barely)
Sincerely,
Rudy Globird
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