The rest of the paragraph describes an almost full moon and then returns to further ominous descriptions of the mist. Mist hooks not.
Paragraph two is where it gets interesting for the wrong reasons. It begins:
Tatijana of the Dragonseekers woke beneath the earth with layers of dark, rich healing loam surrounding her.
Um, surround is a verb, no? So, pray do tell, how is loam surrounding her? Perhaps around would be the better word? And is not woke a transitive verb that requires an object? Example: The sound woke me. Intransitive would be awoke or woke up. This author has perchance overloaded on Stephanie Myers, me thinks.
Vital nutrients, rich in minerals, cushioned her body.
How do nutrients like zinc cushion someone's body? I must admit I'm intrigued, and correct me if I'm wrong but nutrients are minerals, right?
She lay for a long time, panicked, listening to her own heart beating, feeling too light, too trapped, too exposed. And hot. So hot.
This kind of does not make a lot of sense. I fear purple prose awaits.
While there is obviously a market for this story, I admit I am not the right person to review this book, it's just not my thing. However, I'm not reviewing the book, only the opening.
In general, the scene has promise: someone or something is buried, but the writer focuses less on moving the plot forward or developing character and more on setting and flowery prose. Cutting much of that out would speed the scene up, catapulting the reader deeper into the plot and characterization without loosing interest.
And so with satisfying reluctance...
Verdict: Fail.
Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht
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