Why not rewrite the weather out of this. It reeks of: It was a dark and stormy night when... the only interesting thing about this line is the name of something called the Interestings, which is unusual, and the phrase long-evaporated year. I read on.
They were only fifteen, sixteen, and they began to call themselves the name with tentative irony. Julie Jacobson, an outsider and possibly a freak, had been invited in for obscure reasons....
This is what can be termed a cheap hook: possibly a freak...obscure reasons.... a clothes pin rather than an effective, deadly, metal fishing hook. And this might work for some people who like mysterious wording without any real mystery.
The first paragraph is long, as is the second, and rightfully so, as they are filled with the usual cliche teenage angst, flowering with obligatory self-doubt and self-deprecation that I have paid thousands of dollars in therapy to forget. What follows is more dense paragraphing, filled with back story dumps that are interspersed with curse words to provide a realistic sense of the teenage world.
First thing said:
"Sure."
Verdict: Pass (barely)
Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht
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