London, 1897
The moment she saw
the young man walking down the darkened hall toward her, twirling his
walking stick, Finley Jayne knew she’d be unemployed before the sun
rose.
There is nothing really bad to say about this and nothing really good to say. It has story elements in it: character and the beginnings of an inciting event. But it does not interest me.
Her third dismissal in as many months.
This second sentence raises a question, like why this person is going through jobs. Perhaps she hasn't found herself yet and needs to talk to a guidance counselor.
This second sentence raises a question, like why this person is going through jobs. Perhaps she hasn't found herself yet and needs to talk to a guidance counselor.
She tensed and
slowed her steps, but she did not stop. She kept her head down, but was
smart enough not to take her gaze off him. Perhaps he would walk right
by her, as though she were as invisible as servants were supposed to be.
Felix August-Raynes was the son
of her employer. At one and twenty years of age, he was tall and lean
with curly blond hair and bright blue eyes. Every woman who saw him
called him an angel. Most who knew him thought him the very devil.
A scene is unfolding as characters are revealed and there is tension. Just not my kind of tension. The last sentence and particularly its ending make this a pass (barely).
Verdict: Pass (barely)
Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht.
A scene is unfolding as characters are revealed and there is tension. Just not my kind of tension. The last sentence and particularly its ending make this a pass (barely).
Verdict: Pass (barely)
Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht.
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