Friday, 20 September 2013

The Silent Wife by A.S.A. Harrison

It's early September.

Opening sentences obviously aren't important to this writer. Not the best first impression. In fact, a very bad first impression. The sacredness of the opening sentence has been violated. You only get one first line per story and this writer chooses to tell us what month it is. How could this be anything but an epic fail?

Let's explore the rest of the paragraph.

Jodi Brett is in her kitchen, making dinner. Thanks to the open plan of the condo, she has an unobstructed view through the living room to its east-facing windows and beyond to a vista of lake and sky, cast by the evening light in a uniform blue.

That was painful to retype, and several times I wondered why I'm bothering. It sounds like a 1950's detergent commercial or the voice-over of a documentary about foreign housewives. The paragraphs that follow continue on about her condo and her cooking. One can assume a layout of the condo is important to know right out of the gate because it is leading up to some awesome revelation, but if not, well, thanks for wasting some time.

I know this is a best seller, and people call it a thrilling book, because, well, it's a thriller. But the opening line, paragraph and scene are not thrilling. Anything but.

First thing said:

Some person cursing. Not worth repeating. It does not sound natural. There are too many simple sentences followed by a compound sentence with incorrect punctuation. Another graduate of the writing school of Stephanie Meyers perhaps?

Oh, and all right is spelled all right, not alright, all right? For us morons that populate the masses it doesn't matter, but a "professional" writer paid millions, should understand the mechanics of what they're doing, just like employees at McDonald's have to know the ins and outs of their job or they'll get fired. It's in the paragraph on the third page, that begins awkwardly, like how a drunk cardboard robot would talk: It came to pass on a rainy morning in spring.

That's right, it's not September anymore. So what's that first sentence about again?

Verdict: Epic Fail

Theodore Moracht.

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