This is just unusual enough to hook those hot on vampires and witches, and even those who aren't. The image is as funny as it is bizarre, compelling the reader to read on. It is simple - as in blunt. As well, there are questions, like who are these people and what just happened?
The rest of the paragraph:
Matthew was underneath me, his long limbs bent into an uncharacteristically awkward position. A large book was squashed between us, and the force of out landing sent the small figurine clutched in my hand sailing across the floor.
A scene sets the tone.Not much else to say. If it works, it works.
First thing said which begins paragraph two (nice that there is dialogue so early on):
"Are we in the right place?"
Verdict: Pass.
Sincerely,
Rudy Globrid
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