This has a kind of conflict that most people can relate to. I feel for the guy since I'd had a similar experience - though she wasn't the only woman I'd ever loved.
What follows is a description of Natalie, the only woman he'd ever love. It's a scene with enough awkwardness to keep people reading, as just about everyone has been on one end or the other of unrequited love. However, the pages start to drag as the pathetic nature of rejection and self-torment rambles on until it stops abruptly with the word:
Enough.
Yes, enough; let's get on with the mystery.
First thing said:
"Hello, Jake."
Very nondescript dialogue opening. Hopefully characters will have more to say than mere superfluous chit-chat.
Verdict: Pass
Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht
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