Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.

Jane Austen's opening line is witty as it is, so in rewriting this, the author had to be careful he didn't mess it up. I don't think he did. He took the essence of the sentence retaining its tone and wit and applied it to the world of zombies. It's funny and hopefully sets the tone for the rest of the novel.

I do wonder though what Jane Austen would think of this handling of her novel. If she had lived in today's world perhaps she would have been amused, but with a 1812 mind I can only imagine how offended and horrified she would be. As a writer myself, I'm not sure how I would react if my work was parodied. However, in the end, who cares? She's dead, and we're being entertained.

So everything is just as it should be.

First thing said:

"My dear Mr. Bennet, have you head that Netherfield Park is occupied again?"

Verdict: Cool

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Red Pyramid by Rick Riordan

We only have a few hours, so listen carefully.

Next line:

If you're hearing this story, you're already in danger.

This is kind of how the Percy Jackson story starts, with some second person POV. You'd think the author would change it up a bit. It's annoying, both the POV and the fact he doesn't change it up a bit. Maybe kids love this, but I don't - and yes I understand that this book isn't targeting me. The first page goes on like this before ending with:

Okay, Sadie is telling me to stop stalling and get on with the story. 

Good advice: a character is telling the author to get on with it, talk about a character-driven story. Then we get the hook on the second page:

I'm fourteen and my home is a suitcase.

First thing said:

"Dad?"

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Legend of Rah and the Muggles by N. K. Stouffer

On the far side of the earth, Aura citizens fought great wars with other nations.

The line has some conflict to it, but ultimately feels like the epitome of preamble that usually begins with something like: once upon a time... This is the beginning of an introduction that has a lot of back story and explanation about who Muggles are - and no they aren't the same Muggles made famous in the Harry Potter series. In fact, these Muggles came first, as this book was first published in the 1980's. The author doesn't think this was a coincidence and there had been a legal rambling which made this book a little famous after the fact, not a bad thing for this author regardless of where J.K. Rowling got her ideas from. N. K. Stouffer is also the author of the Larry and Lily Potter books. Hm...

Chapter 1:

Lady Catherine had barely escaped from her family's palatial estate before the enemies arrived.

Character and conflict start this children's story. As a children's story this reads nicely like a fairy tale that wastes no time introducing conflict.

First thing said:

"Pardon moi, Madame."

Verdict: Pass

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Death in Breslau by Marek Krajewski

The July heat was unbearable.

All I knew about this when I picked it up at a library sale for 1$ was that it was a historical mystery novel that takes place in Nazi Germany, therefore reminding me of a Philip Kerr novel, which I enjoy. When I flipped it open to the first page, I was magnificently disappointed. The first sentence is about the weather which makes me wonder at the writer's skills. Beginning with weather is usually a sure sign of more cliched writing to come - and, let's be honest, is a very unimaginative way to begin a novel.

The rest of the first paragraph expands on the weather motif. It's hot, a character is sweating, flies digging convulsively, the light is merciless. The second paragraph begins with the heat again.

First thing said:

"We both know, doctor, that you cannot refuse the institution I represent."

The character looks out the window and sees the icebound panorama of Siberia, frozen rivers, heaps of snow etc. At first I'm confused, isn't it July and hot? Then I realize this is an awkward attempt of slipping in back story, or a flashback or a hallucination.

Verdict: Epic Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Different Seasons by Stephen King

Rita Hayworth and the Shawshank Redemption

There's a guy like me in every state and federal prison in America, I guess - I'm the guy who can get it for you.

Thus begins the first novella from Stephen King's Different Seasons, a collection of four novellas first published in 1982. The first story represents spring and is given the subtitle: Hope Springs Eternal.

After this line, the narrator goes on to explain that he can get prisoners everything from brandy to cigarettes. before falling into back story about how he landed in prison. Why this is vital on the first page is unknown. Fortunately, it is an entertaining tale.

First thing said:

"Do you mean to tell this court that you followed your wife in your brand-new Plymouth sedan?" 


This first direct contact with another human being in the story who actually says something comes on page 20. If you've made it that far, it means you endured some very thick narrative, mostly back story buried in long paragraphs as King's storytelling mind unravels and collapses like an avalanche of prose onto the page. In other words, what one would expect from King - long winded and wordy.

However, many people will like how this story is told - by the average mediocre uneducated American from Armpit, America; really, the archetypal King character. I suppose it makes sense to return to this character type, and use especially as a narrator, as after all they really are creepy and scary people who, even if they are good, are still unsettling.

Verdict: Fail

Summer of Corruption
Apt Pupil

He looked like the total all-American kid as he pedaled his twenty-six-inch Schwinn with the apehanger handlebars up the residential suburban street, and that's just what he was: Todd Bowden, thirteen years old, five-feet-eight and a healthy one hundred and forty pounds, hair the color of ripe corn, blue eyes, white even teeth, lightly tanned skin marred by not even the first shadow of adolescent acne.

Pure exposition. No conflict or inciting incident, just the official literary introduction of a character. This first sentence is long enough to be a paragraph, and it is, serving as not only the first sentence but first paragraph. Ominous to say the least. Are all sentences going to be as long winded? As it's King, you bet! The next paragraph is the size of a modern micro-fiction short story and is bursting with back story.

First thing said:

"All right!"

Next thing said by the same person:

"All right!"


According to Elmore Leonard, King has only one more exclamation mark left for the whole story. But the character continues thus:

"I'm coming! Let it go! I'm coming!"

Honestly, this is how my grade five students write a story. Are these sentences truly exclamatory?

Verdict: Fail

Fall from Innocence
The Body

The most important things are the hardest things to say.

Uh-oh - this smells preachy. This short chapter 1 is in italics for some reason, which is annoying and hard on the eye and is the beginning of some preamble disguised as deep mind musings on life. The first paragraph is coma inducing. The second and final paragraph of this short first chapter begins with the hook:

I was twelve going on thirteen when I first saw a dead human being.

Why start with didactic musings or reminiscing on the lessons learned about the philosophy of life instead of with this line that introduces a story worthy problem?

First thing said:

"Twenty-nine."

As the hook comes early this will manage to hook most people/

Verdict: Pass (barely)

A Winter's Tale
The Breathing Method

The Club
I dressed a bit more speedily than normal on that snowy, windy, bitter night - I admit.

The weather cliche begins the final installment in the Different Seasons' collection. The only thing positive in this line, oddly enough - as King has made his position on adverbs clear, is the use of the adverb speedily, which is most likely foreshadowing something.

First thing said:

"Bad night."

This is a cabbie talking about the weather.

Verdict: Fail

Overall, these four stories don't have any memorable lines that immediately pull the reader in.

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

The Thin Man by Dashiell Hammett

I was leaning against the bar in a speakeasy on Fifty-second Street, waiting for Nora to finish her Christmas shopping, when a girl got up from the table where she had been sitting with three other people and come over to me.

There are a lot of details in this opening sentence. To begin with, the narrator is in a speakeasy, an illegal bar in the 1920's or early 30's that served bootlegged liquor during prohibition. The narrator is waiting for a woman to do some shopping, which can be annoying as time seems to get sucked into a black hole on such occasions. Shopping has a way of making an hour seem like five minutes for shoppers and quite the opposite for those waiting. And, though we don't know who Nora is, another girl slithers over creating a potential moral dilemma for our narrator. There is little conflict, but there is dashiell of foreshadowing.  

First thing said:

"Aren't you Nick Charles?"

From this point there is dialogue, as the two talk, which feels curt and to the point, just as one would expect in a Dashiell Hammett novel, reflective of the noir genre, establishing the tone expected in hard-boiled detective fiction, revealing the character of the narrator. Well done. However, by the end of the first page, the only direct conflict is the empty whiskey glass, which mercifully gets resolved in the next line.

Honestly, I can't decide on 2.5 or 3 stars for this. On the one hand, there are no obvious cliches. The first chapter is short, introducing characters and foreshadowing conflict, with great dialogue that pulls one in, but on the other hand, there lacks the substance that makes a mystery a mystery; I'd have preferred an actual revelation of nefarious affairs, like a threat, a warning or a body. Instead chapter 1 ends with a mildly jealous wife.

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

Behavioral Science, the FBI section that deals with serial murder, is on the bottom floor of the Academy building at Quantico, half-buried in the earth.

This is pure foreshadowing with a touch of setting. FBI and serial murder means that we can expect to read about some really crazy people. I like that this FBI section is in the basement, as it adds a touch of the Gothic.

Foreshadowing something interesting (that intrigues) usually gets an opening line a 50/50 pass; however, such an opening line can be improved should some character and conflict be added. In this novel, character is introduced in the second sentence and some conflict a couple of paragraphs later, while still on the first page. The forward narrative moves effortlessly with little description and back story. However, despite the meager exposition, this opening still feels  like it's lagging.

First thing said:

"No."

Not much promise of great dialogue to come, but it's all part of a scene we are eased into with some character development - and the dialogue that follows is well written and character revealing.

In the end, this book hooks most people because of its fame and the movie inspired by the book. If there are readers out there who have no idea what this book is, and they enjoy the genre, this opening should have enough to it to pull one in and hook.

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

The Wars by Timothy Findley

She was standing in the middle of the railroad tracks

Thus begins the prologue of this short novel by Timothy Findley. A pronoun with a problem. As a first sentence this one works at hooking, as it present a problem - assuming there is a train somewhere nearby. The paragraph continues to explain that this is a horse on the track. The unfolding scene is one of destruction and war.

Chapter 1:

All of this happened a long time ago.

The rest of this brief chapter reads like a lecture, a commentary of sorts on general state of some characters, which transforms itself into preamble. On the plus side, the chapters are short and read like clippings, a technique I've seen in other of Findley's work which to me feels like a disjointed narrative in places, which is distracting, sometimes hard to follow, making it easy for my attention to wonder to my Facebook news feed.

In the realms of the artsy-fartsy mind, this book thrives. The descriptive writing is precise and vivid.

First thing said:

"Let's go."

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Wool by Hugh Howey

The children were playing while Holston climbed to his death; he could hear them squealing as only happy children do.

Juxtaposition. Happy children and death. Another odd thing about this line is that a man is climbing to his death and not, as is usually common, falling to his death.

The opening starts to drag though, as this man ever so slowly climbs the stairs, with plenty of description of the railing, and of his boots among other things. Finally, we get back story and by this point I'm ready to climb up those stairs and push Holston off myself, if the author doesn't feel bothered.

Nevertheless, the opening line is effective.

First thing said:

"Well, look who's up early."

Verdict: Pass

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Allegiant by Veronica Roth

I pace our cell in Erudite headquarters, her words echoing in my mind: My name will be Edith Prior, and there is much I am happy to forget.

The problem with series books today is that a reader has to buy them all and read them in order in order to enjoy the later volumes. Most readers are fine with this, and even prefer it this way. But there is something to be said with letting later volumes in a series stand on their own, at least in the beginning. This one barely succeeds.

What is an Erudite headquarters? One can assume that this is some kind of fantasy book (and no, I don't live in a complete bubble). We have a character in prison, which by itself is not interesting, but the fact that this character is making up a name, or at least that's what's implied leads to a question. The end part: ...there is much I am happy to forget, suggests a preamble, but it is only a whiff of one.

What follows is dialogue and a scene with little back story. This allows a forward narrative to unfold without needing much knowledge of what happened in the books before.

First thing said:

"So you've never seen her before?"

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Hell House by Richard Matheson

December 18, 1970
3:17 P.M.

It had been raining hard since five o'clock that morning.

Scared yet?

Starting a book, a story, a news report, a personal anecdote or even a lie with rain is pointless. Even if the point of your musings was the rain, who would care? Weather like this is small talk, things people say when they have nothing better to say to one another or are trying to get rid of someone by boring them to death. Not the way to begin a story - with mindless drivel or constipated small talk. Yet, there seems to be a built-in automaton in the human psyche that insists most authors start novels with the weather.

I hesitate to make comparisons, but compare Hell House's opening line to the opening of The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson:

No live organism can continue for long to exist sanely under conditions of absolute reality; even larks and katydids are supposed, by some, to dream. Hill house, not sane, stood by itself against its hills, holding darkness within; it had stood so for 80 years and might for 80 more.  

The rest of the first paragraph of The Haunting of Hill House only adds to the eerie mood and sense of foreboding and is quite creepy. Hell House on the other hand offers nothing. I mention The Haunting of Hill House only because these two books are somewhat archetypes of the genre, companion pieces in the annals of 'haunted house' literature. Their openings, however, are very different, strikingly so. Side by side, Hell House is without doubt an epic fail.

Next line:

Brontean weather, Dr. Barrett thought.

At least this line has something: a setting and a character.

First thing said:

"Doctor."

Verdict: Epic Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

The Impossible Knife of Memory by Laurie Halse Anderson

It started in detention.

Honestly most readers are more interested in the 'it' than in what is not 'it'. When 'it' started is obviously not as important as what 'it' is. So this is preamble, clearly illustrated with the pronoun rather than with a noun, an event. As this is a novel, presumably with a story, most readers will understand that something will happen, has happened or is happening because that is the nature of what a story is.

Nevertheless, some will think that this is an effective way to begin, because 'it' raises a question: what happened, what is this 'it'? But in point of fact, this is the same question a reader will ask, picking up a novel: What happens? That is to say, this opening line does not raise a question about the plot but about the very nature of storytelling: What's it about? With emphasize on the word it.

Next line:

No surprise there, right?

The reader has no way of answering this question. There is no way to navigate around the pronoun of the first word of this novel. Establishing tone before anything else is almost always guaranteed a fail. Attitude is important, but it is never the story.

What follows is a diatribe on detentions and rules and the authoritarian atmosphere of school. As this is first person, we get inside the character's head, which is nicely done, revealing the angst of the character, but that needs to switch sooner rather than later to the by now infamous 'it' of the opening line, which it does.

First thing said:

"Enough of that."

Well put.

Verdict: Fail

I like the title though, and believe it will attract a lot of attention in the bookstore.

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Bookfair Murders by Anna Porter

Aside from the murder, it was a predictable Bertelsmann party.

This sentence offers up a murder and a party. As a fan of crime fiction, I'm pleased the word "murder" is mentioned early and in the first sentence. Murder mysteries should begin with the crime and the puzzle - preferably in the opening line. However, this sentence also mentions a party, so the rest of the paragraph could go either way: describe the party rather than the murder.

Unfortunately, this opening chooses to go the way of the party, the setting, the exposition and not with the murder, the conflict. Instead of describing the murder scene, the victim etc, the author chooses to stall and go into great detail describing the party, right down to the background music and the people attending the party. A little boring - my attention wanders, which means that what is described is probably important and holds all the clues to the crime, and because readers aren't paying attention will miss everything and fail to solve the crime and be surprised at the end.

Then Margaret Atwood is mentioned as attending the party. Could she be a suspect or even the victim?

First thing said:

"This is my sixteenth Bertelsmann party."

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

2103 (Act 1) by Drew Avera

The view from the heavens must have been a sight to behold.

Instead of saying what that view is right out of the gate, we are instead treated to preamble and a circumstance simmering with lofty sentiment. This is pure exposition, but to its credit, it doesn't last long before a horrific scene of a massacre unfolds.

Next line:

Tiny, microbiological organisms, every last one of them destined for death and to be picked apart piece by piece.

For some readers this short build-up to conflict creates suspense, but I like my suspense to be the result of raising action oozing conflict, and not mere suggestion of it with epic sounding sentences that in all honesty can be skipped. The opening paragraphs, though well written, reek of the sentimental and melodramatic. However, as this is written in first person, I have come to expect such things.

First thing said:

"Another massacre, another dollar."

This opening dialogue is effective, as it reveals character, plot and conflict. To be perfectly frank, this is where the story starts - the beginning of the fourth paragraph.

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Prom Dates from Hell by Rosemary Clement-Moore

As an interactive horror experience, with beasts from Hell, mayhem, gore, and dismemberment, it was an impressive event.

Preamble that's only purpose is to establish tone. No story, just promises of good times to come. This could have been pasted onto the back cover.

Next line:

As a high school prom, however, the evening was marginally less successful.

So with the second sentence we are mercifully provided a little information with which to navigate: setting (high school) and character (teenager). In point of fact, these two sentences are really only exploring the already implied implications of the title. They aren't revealing anything new, only drawing out the perceived awesomeness of the title, and therefore stall in a stew of redundancy.

One might be able to disentangle a little juxtaposition from these two lines with the concepts of hell and high school, therefore making this opening amusing or even downright laugh-out-loud funny, but I don't see much difference between hell and high school and only shudder. Indeed, I fear a new biker (or rollerskating teeny bopper) gang in the making: Hell's Prom Dates.

Then like a lot of preambling beginnings, the cliche within the cliche, we have the line:

I should start at the beginning, but I'm not entirely certain when that is, so...

This type of opening occurs a lot more than it should. A narrator starts preambling, I mean, rambling and then admits they don't know when the story starts or they don't know how to start a story. I groan. The purpose of this ingenious literary technique? I don't know, perhaps to warn the reader that this novel might not be as good as a cover and some hype?

First thing said:

"Hi, Maggie!"

Verdict: Fail

Obviously this book was not written with me in mind, and so I can't help but feel a sense of exclusion and isolation. Is this book bullying me?

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Knife of Never Letting Go by Patrick Ness

The first thing you find out when yer dog learns to talk is that dogs don't got nothing much to say.

Another great opening line. A situation that is obviously out of the ordinary but also reveals something extraordinary. The bad grammar is a little disconcerting because I I don't much like the realism of dialect in stories. It's distracting and annoying. Reading Huck Finn was enough for me.

Next line and first thing said:

"Need a poo, Todd."
"Shut up, Manchee,"
"Poo. Poo, Todd."
"I said shut it."

This little conversation between a boy and his dog seems so ordinary at first glance, it's amusing. After this attention grabbing opening the story settles into ordinary standard storytelling and my attention starts to wane. Nevertheless, I plod on for another page to find the scene and conflict between the boy and dog hooks me back again.

Verdict: Pass

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Boy, Snow, Bird by Helen Oyeyemi

Nobody ever warned me about mirrors, so for many years I was fond of them, and believed them to be trustworthy.

This line works because it suggests that mirrors lie, either that, or something is wrong with them, or there is something wrong with the narrator. Either way, this line raises a questions and makes the reader curious  - at least a little. Intriguing might be the right word. So this hooks.

But the key to a great opening isn't only the first line, even though our judgement here at Hook My Brain is based primarily on the opening line. In this novel,  what follows is further explanation of the mirror motif. Overall, the first paragraph holds my attention, as the narrator talks about how he/she stood between mirrors to gaze upon the many "me's".

Unfortunately, by the second paragraph this opening plunges into back story and the paragraphs become long, dense and descriptive as the author loses herself in the writing process. As a writer, I sympathize; as a reader, I cringe. However on the plus side there is some conflict in the back story - back story that goes on and on and on and on, and only ended when my free online sample mercifully ended.

First thing said (in a back story scene):

"Can't afford it."

Verdict: Pass (barely)

The opening line and paragraph are worth at least that, and there are no obvious cliches so that is worth something.

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

Ten Little Herrings by L.C. Tyler

The only strange thing about my telephone conversation with Ethelred was that he had been dead for almost a year.

This is the beginning of a short and rather funny prologue. This line is unusual - as not many people talk to dead people and so raises a question.

Next paragraph:

Well, you know how it is. You're sitting in a dead person's flat round about midnight. The Sussex rain is chucking itself against the period windows.

The tone is tongue-in-cheek funny, quirky, and light which doesn't sound forced or pretentious. I like the last line from above, even though it's obviously a weather reference. The reason I like it is because it is doing more than describing weather. It's establishing place - providing concrete information. Weather that introduces place is better than simply weather for weather's sake. Plus, the rain is personified by using the verb "chucked itself" which establishes tone. There has been some creative effort made to reword: It was a dark and stormy night...

Chapter 1:

I haven't always been an agent.

By the end of the first page we learn that agent means literary agent and the cynicism of the character towards the publishing industry is not only accurate but fascinating.

First thing said:

"Ethelred Tressider's residence."

Verdict: Definite Pass

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Bill Warrington's Last Chance by James King

Bill Warrington listened to the final huffs and pings of the engine and the crackle of the vinyl settling about him as he removed the key from the ignition and let his arms drop into his lap.

Another book that begins in a car. What follows is the character sitting there, pondering his garage or maybe how to begin the story.

The fifth paragraph is one line:

Bill opened his eyes. He was wasting time, sitting there like that.

Hopefully, the story will begin now that character realizes he is supposed to be in a story and not just in his car. But then the plot slowly gravitates towards and falters in a kitchen drawer. If this moves any slower the pages will start to stick together.

First thing said:

“Mr. Warrington?”

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon

It was 7 minutes after midnight.

This is how chapter 2 begins. There is no chapter 1; so, so far that is the only curious thing about this opening and the only question. What happened to chapter 1? Has it been held over? Will the reader have to search for it?

The opening line itself is nothing to write home about. It gives us a time. It does not tell us where, what, who or why. Next line:

The dog was lying on the grass in the middle of the lawn in front of Mrs Shears' house. 

Here is a who and where and what - still no why. Half way down this rather long first paragraph we learn that the dog is dead with a garden fork sticking into it, and by the end of the paragraph we learn that this story is a first person narrative. So the mystery begins very earlier, though I would have incorporated the dead dog in the first sentence. But when we start to learn a little about the narrator and his special needs, I suppose it is logical to think he might start off by telling the time.

First thing said:

"What the ****'s name have you done with my dog?"

For a novel labelled as a children's book and having won some children's award, there is a lot of swearing. Perhaps I'm a prude or maybe kids today are so much more sophisticated than in bygone days.

By chapter 19 we learn what happens to chapter 1. This narrator is naming his chapters after the prime numbers, so the first is chapter 2.

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Murdering Ministers by Alan Beechey

Billy Coppersmith realized he was possessed when he caught himself thinking about breasts during the Lord's Prayer.

An amusing beginning that explores the confusion of teenage awareness in a church. This opening line introduces character and multiple conflicts (person vs. devil and person vs. self-guilt), plus it's a little out of the ordinary and not how one might expect a mystery to begin, a quirky line that sets the tone and the rest of the first chapter does follow . So this opening hooks.  The next sentence which begins the second paragraph:

If it had been the sermon, he wouldn't have worried. Everybody's mind wandered then...

Unfortunately the rest of the chapter slowly descends into a weaving back story that sounds like someone discussing and reviewing the past three seasons of Downton Abbey.

First thing said:

"After the same manner also He took the cup."

Verdict: Pass

I would have given this a higher rating but my attention started to wander midway through chapter 1 with all the people and their history being introduced. Annoyed by this intrusion of characters I couldn't care less about, I found myself skipping to the end only to find someone dying, which was good, but it certainly was a long-winded way of getting to that plot point.

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Demon of Dakar by Kjell Eriksson

The clouds slid lazily down behind the mountain on the other side of the valley.

Setting and weather. Unless this is the sequel to The Clouds by Aristophanes which pokes fun of intellectual fashions in classical Athens, and even if it is, this does not hook, and there is no reason to assume there's anyone in the world this sentence would hook, not even meteorologists would be interested, as after a hard day at work making wrong forecasts about the weather, the last thing a meteorologist would want to do is come home, sit down to relax with a book that begins with more clouds.

But there's more. You won't believe this but the whole first page about 400 words or so is about clouds. Explaining clouds that gather nourishment and moisture, shifting indolently. The only good thing about this cloudy opening is that throughout this exposition on clouds, there is a character musing about clouds. The only hope this opening has is that clouds play an important role in the mystery of this novel. In the worst case scenario the clouds are a metaphor for something. If so, beginning with a clouded metaphor is a red flag.

First thing said:

"Make sure you don't lead her astray."

Verdict: Epic fail

Call me old fashioned, but mystery novels need to begin with a mystery or crime or puzzle to hook me.

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

14 by Peter Clines

He ran.

So begins a short prologue titled Zero, chapter zero I guess. Because it's such a short sentence perhaps we should add some more. The prologue continues:

He ran as fast as he could. As if Hell itself were chasing him. As if his life depended on it.

So to sum up, in case you aren't sure: He's running really fast. Glance down a couple lines, and not only is he running like the devil but doing it with a knife sticking in him. So he can't be running as fast as the opening lines suggest to the mind and therefore with the contradictory information the mind shuts down and the book actually shuts itself closed..

Chapter 1:

Nate Tucker found out about the apartment as people often learn about the things which change their lives forever - by sheer luck. 

This line does not hook, it only promises that there is a hook later on, though when it will come, I don't know; you will have to read on and find out for yourself. We have a character we have no reason to care about and an apartment we have no reason to be curious about, except that it will change the character's life. So we can assume up until this point this character leads a boring life, or the story before meeting the apartment would begin the story.

First thing said:

"That suck's."

Hm.

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

Triggers by Robert J. Sawyer

This is how we began...

Susan Dawson - thirty-four, with pale skin and pale blue eyes - was standing behind and to the right of the presidential podium.

I laughed at how the woman's age was slipped into the sentence, as if it really matters at this point.

She spoke into the microphone hidden in her sleeve. "Prospector is moving out."

Sounds like either a take down or a cliche Hollywood opening is about to materialize. Like many books in today's market, this one begins with a movie deal in mind. Honestly, this is how one expects a movie to begin (as many have already), but not necessarily a book. That's not to say that this opening is all wrong, but telling a story using the written word provides advantages no other medium has, and it would behoove a writer to use them, instead of replicating a movie opening.

Nevertheless, this book does open with a scene, some characters and one presumes some budding conflict. By page 2 there is some back story, but it's good back story - brief and filled with conflict, that sets the opening scene in prospective, with recent terrorist attacks.

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

The Book of Human Skin by Michelle Lovric

If you ever see a portrait of a nun, you should know she was a dead woman when it was painted.

It's nice when we are confronted with an opening line that provides some information that most people are not aware of. I had read this somewhere before, but nevertheless it is striking. It raises a question - is this about a dead nun? We are given further explanation:

Nuns may not have their portraits painted while they are alive, a nun's face being nobody's business, not even her own, not even her bother's.

There is not much conflict in this opening, but it is an usual thought, at least by today's standards and attracts attention. The next paragraph:

If I had known that fact when I set out to discover what had happened to my sister, I would have saved myself a voyage and a disease, and I might never have laid a hand upon a fatal book of human skin, making cannibals of my nine remaining fingers.

Thus we get the hint of conflict, a sister missing in action and a book of human skin, which would mildly interest most people. There is some preamble, but as this a first person narrative a little preamble is okay, as long as there is something interesting, something more than just saying, "Hey, here's a story."

First thing said:

"But you are one of us, young chap!"

Verdict: Pass

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

Silence of the Grave by Arnaldur Indridason

He knew at once it was a human bone, when he took it from the baby who was sitting on the floor chewing it.

This sentence is almost perfect. The obvious problem is the pronoun, but it is overshadowed by the awesomeness of this opening line. Mystery novels, in order to hook, need to begin with a mystery, a crime and preferably a murder as soon as possible. This opening does that and more, introducing a human bone, but it's introduced in such an unusual way - a baby is chewing on the the corpse, the evidence. Lots of questions. Why is the baby chewing on a human bone? Whose bone is this?  Who is Mr. Pronoun? Though, this last question is not so much a story question, but more of a technical question in which authors intentionally withhold names and characterization to create tension, and this is a tension that is not dependent on the story but on how the story is told and therefore is weak. That is the problem with pronouns in the beginning.

First thing said:

"What happened?"

This is the question.

Verdict: Cool

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

2014 Edgar Awards Nominees

Here are this year's shortlisted nominees for the Edgar Award, the best mystery/crime novel of the year. Congratulations to the authors for making the list - no small feat.

Sandrine's Case by Thomas H. Cook

Opening Argument:
The Prosecution

Lost hope conceals a rapier in its gown, Sandrine wrote in the margins of her copy of Julius Caesar.

At first glance this feels like what a first sentence should be: big, lofty, all embracing,  - just plain old epic. It reveals character and hints at conflict; yet, there is a hint of pretentious. The rest of the paragraph is in the same annoying didactic lofty voice.

Verdict: Pass (barely) (2.5 stars)



The Humans by Matt Haig

Preface

I know that some of you reading this are convinced humans are a myth, but I am here to state that they do actually exist.

This preface is meant to establish the fact that this is partly sci-fi. Obviously, if the narrator is talking about humans as if they are aliens to aliens, that then means...yes, the narrator must be an alien to humans! The satire, I mean preface, continues for another page and reminds me of The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human, though not as funny.

Part 1

So, what is this?

Followed by more meaningless questions whose function is to establish tone.

Verdict: Fail (2 stars)


Ordinary Grace by William Kent Krueger

All the dying that summer began with the death of a child, a boy with golden hair and thick glasses, killed on the railroad tracks outside New Bremen, Minnesota, sliced into pieces by a thousand tons of steel speeding across the prairie toward South Dakota.

Another prologie (disposable characters in prologues) bites the dust and in the standard ghastly manner. Yet there is the foreshadowing of bigger problems and more death to come and I don't know about you, but my curiosity is swelling.

But the beginning of chapter 1 takes a step backwards and I start to lose interest.

Verdict: Pass - barely (2.5 stars)



How the Light Gets In by Louise Penny

Audrey Villeneuve knew what she imagined could not possibly be happening.

This reminds me of an elementary school exercise I did in foreshadowing - the most obvious kind. Basically, this opening tells us that there is something happening, as there should be in all novels, yet refuses to tell us, so as to make us keep reading.



Verdict: Fail (2 stars)



Standing in Another Man's Grave by Ian Rankin

He’d made sure he wasn't standing too near the open grave.

A pronoun and some setting. No sign of any conflict here, unless Mr. Pronoun is going to be put into the grave. But the next sentence and paragraph answer that possibility:


Closed ranks of the other mourners between him and it.

Employs a number of cliches in the beginning: Weather opening and phone call opening.


Verdict: Fail (2 stars)


Until She Comes Home by Lori Roy

A Couple of Days Before

Malina Herze stares down on her dining-room table, her lovely dining-room table, and clutches a red-handled hammer to her chest.

This opening line is full of anticipation, which pulls the reader through the opening narrative, creating suspense. These types of sentences are hard to write because they depend on the rest of the scene just as much as the rest of the scene depends on them.

Verdict: Pass (3 stars)

Conclusion:

As far as opening lines are concerned, most of the above lack an effective hook from the get-go, with authors preferring to ease the reader into the conflict with exposition and preliminary remarks. Rather disappointing. Nevertheless, despite the lackluster openings, I'm sure the novels are fine, or they wouldn't have been shortlisted.

So if we do the math, the best opening goes to:

Until She Comes Home by Lori Roy

Sincerely,

Theodore Moracht

Codex 632 by Jose Rodrigues Dos Santos

Four.

One word sentences almost always fail. I don't think I've come across any that hook. The only thing good about them is that they are so short they almost don't count and someone would have to be really anal retentive to stop reading a book after only one word. These one word openings are almost always a prelude and the real test is what the next sentence is.

The old historian couldn't know that he only had four minutes left to live.

Thus begins the ticking time bomb plot device, a usually effective and suspenseful device. The next paragraph begins:

The hotel elevator seemed to wait to trap him with wide-open doors.

I like the use of verbs in this sentence. Not the linking verb seem but wait and trap. these verbs draw the image that the elevator can be likened to the jaws of death. The paragraph then proceeds to describes the historian. The next paragraph is one word again:

Three.

Something happens and then:

Two.

You get the idea. This prologie (disposable characters that die in prologues) is running out of time, and we all know how that ends.

Chapter 1:

Had someone told Thomas Noronha, that morning, that the next few months would take him all over the world and into the unraveling of a five-hundred-year-old conspiracy, complete with stories of seafaring adventures during the Age of Discovery, royal espionage between the first two global superpowers, and the esoteric world of Kabbalah and the Knights Templar, he wouldn't have believed it.

This reads like the query letter pitch to a literary agent introducing a book the author is seeking representation for. And why not? It isn't merely preamble - hinting that there is a story, but instead tells us ahead of time what to expect, whetting our curious and selling the premise. It has all the key words: Kabbalah, Knights Templar, conspiracy, esoteric and espionage. People who like these Dan Brown words will not be able to resist.

First thing said:

"Well, good morning."

The first thing said is a fail, though, as it does not develop plot, character, conflict, tone, mood, setting, theme or world view - it's just a boring salutation.

Verdict: Pass Definte

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

We Are Water by Wally Lamb

"I understand there was some controversy about the coroner's ruling concerning Josephus Jones's death."

Some writing experts say that beginning with dialogue is not a good idea. I can understand where they're coming from. Their argument is that the reader can't navigate through the speakers and understand who is saying what, why, or where. If the dialogue is superfluous blabbering then I agree, but if what is being said establishes conflict and is pithy, then I see no problem with it. This first line, though beginning a prologue, introduces a character, a death and a question regrading it. In other words, it gets straight to the point, raises questions and therefore hooks.

The rest of the first paragraph follows thus:

"What do you think, Mr. Agnello? Did he die accidentally or was he murdered?"

Chapter 1:

Viveca's wedding dress has a name: Gaia.

This opening line is unusual enough to attract attention and keep the reader reading. It stands out, not only as an opening line, but it would stand out even it were buried deep in a chapter with long woolly paragraphs. Unusual sentences which express unusual ideas, like clothes having names is usually effective in revealing odd characters that fascinate us. Though, reading on, this line implies something different.

Verdict: Definite Pass

Sincerely,
Rudy Globird

The Letter by W. Gunther Plaut

Berlin
1935

The room was dark and badly lit, not at all befitting the imposing title on the door: Secretariat of Racial Purity.

This line is all setting, yet it obviously does a good job. It introduces conflict in the form of racism and with the cover we know what this is going to be about, so if Nazis hook ya, then you're hooked.

Chapter 1:

Helga awoke in a sweat, the nightgown clinging uncomfortably to her legs.

She'd had a dream about her father discovering her secret. Which is to say that this is an awkwardly forced and tired way of introducing conflict: Yes, there is a story-worthy problem dear reader, so tense that the character is having issues that manifest in the form of bad dreams which wake her up all in a sweat. How can you not read on, oh, dear reader?

I say: Easy.

First thing said:

"Your name?"

Verdict: Pass (barely)

The prologue has some tension, dialogue and interesting characterization that pulls readers in. Chapter 1 doesn't though.

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht

Bad Wolf by Nele Neuhaus

He sat down the shopping bag and put away his purchase in the tiny refrigerator.

In this prologue Mr. Pronoun does a lot of things and if it weren't for the paragraphs it would resemble nothing but a list. Lists usually make boring reading. The prologue is two pages and at the end of my library copy the page has been folded indicating that a previous reader thought that that was enough for one reading session - 2 pages. Clearly, I am not the only one that isn't hooked by this prologue.

Chapter 1:

She felt like she was tipping over backward.

The pronounology in this book dominates. On page five there is another folded page. Folding pages of a book should be an abomination and folders should be punished, but for the purpose of my reviews can be revealing. I assume from the same person as above because the pages are folded on the bottom and the fold has the same dimensions. The last fold is on page 59 and is to this day is folded. That is where the previous person gave up on this book. I, however, am smarter and have stopped reading by page three.

First thing said:

"Hello, Sweetie."

Doesn't add anything to character or plot but does upgrade one pronoun from 'she' to 'sweetie' so that is good.

Verdict: Fail

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht