2103 (Act 1) by Drew Avera

The view from the heavens must have been a sight to behold.

Instead of saying what that view is right out of the gate, we are instead treated to preamble and a circumstance simmering with lofty sentiment. This is pure exposition, but to its credit, it doesn't last long before a horrific scene of a massacre unfolds.

Next line:

Tiny, microbiological organisms, every last one of them destined for death and to be picked apart piece by piece.

For some readers this short build-up to conflict creates suspense, but I like my suspense to be the result of raising action oozing conflict, and not mere suggestion of it with epic sounding sentences that in all honesty can be skipped. The opening paragraphs, though well written, reek of the sentimental and melodramatic. However, as this is written in first person, I have come to expect such things.

First thing said:

"Another massacre, another dollar."

This opening dialogue is effective, as it reveals character, plot and conflict. To be perfectly frank, this is where the story starts - the beginning of the fourth paragraph.

Verdict: Pass (barely)

Sincerely,
Theodore Moracht