Thursday, 5 December 2013

Please Don't Tell by Elizabeth Adler

It was a winter afternoon, and a stormy sky was looming.

Congratulations! The line: It was a dark and stormy night... has been ousted. Now, I know what you traditionalists are going to say: You can't improve on the dark and stormy night hook, but open your minds people, this line includes the season and suggests bad weather - anticipation rather than realization. Besides looming is such a suggestive word.

What follows is a pronoun sitting in a vehicle parked in the darkest part of a parking lot. He's having chest pains. As expected, Mr. Pronoun kills a prologie in the usual sadistic run of the mill shocking and violent manner. Yawn. At a certain point one must ask oneself: How much prologie blood must be split to satisfy the lust for fictional blood? For me, none is enough. However, the weather gets the final say. Take that Mr. Pronoun, you insignificant maniac.

Chapter 1:

It had started out as an ordinary morning for Fen Dexter.

This sentence implies that despite the ordinary mundane beginning, the story will get better, maybe even extraordinary; it's a promise. Until then, the writer proceeds to explain the average ordinary morning, which naturally begins in bed, followed by a back story dump that is so conveniently organized chronologically by ex-husband that it would make any grade 7 English teacher weep for joy.

First thing said:


Verdict: Fail

Rudy Globird

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