Friday, 20 December 2013

Unintended Consequences by Stuart Woods

Stone Barrington dreamed terrible dreams, then he jerked awake and immediately forgot them, as he always did.

Stone Barrington? Let me guess - an American. So, Stone begins this one with a bed setting. We're not privy to the nightmares and what they are, and from the looks of that first line we never will be. How do I know this without reading the whole book? Because it says that Stone always forgets them.

By the end of the paragraph Stone Barrington does what every other character does whose story begins in bed, he looks at the clock. It's 9:46. To be honest I was expecting it to be around 3 A.M. as that's usually the time characters are awoken at the beginning of a book. So kudos for surprising me there. But then Stone does the second and third most common thing after beginning this story in bed, he gets up and goes to the washroom - you see his bladder is bursting. Perhaps that's what the nightmares are about, slime people crawling out of his bursting bladder.

Random horrible clause:

He relieved himself noisily...

After that, the rest of the second paragraph develops the bathroom scene in greater detail and the only question this raises is why the hell am I reading this? Who cares about a character's daily morning routine in the can?

Paragraph 3 promises no relief as the bathroom scene switches from the bathroom sink to the shower. Then we learn he's wounded:...found two tiny wounds in the vein. Finally a story worthy question with a dash of conflict.

Then from the bathroom scene it moves to breakfast.

First thing said:

"That won't be necessary."

Verdict: Epic Fail

Rudy Globird

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